Hi Mamas and Papas,
We're coming to the end of the Lunar New Year, which has always been a double edged sword for me because we love spending quality time with our family, it's a happy occasion but the comments are usually unkind. The category for 2021 was bodyshaming. I do have a belly pooch but there's a reason behind it. I actually cried on the first day of Chinese New Year because social grace means you don't answer back, you take the negative comments gracefully, nod and laugh it off.
Let's rewind. I am medically disabled. I have seronegative spondyloarthritis where my blood is always inflamed as my white blood cells fail to identify my red blood cells as allies so they attack. My blood is always inflamed because of this and while it is common to have blood inflammation when you have an infection or even something as simple as the common cold, blood inflammation is always present for me and it's a matter of how badly inflamed it is.
With a small amount, I am perfectly fine. I just wake up with a backache but after a bit of stretching and light exercise, all is well. When triggered by something as simple as supplements, my left ankle starts to swell and the swelling starts travelling up towards my hips. This has happened a lot but the worst case scenario with my condition is waking up completely blind in my left eye and I have no control of my left leg so I have to drag my leg when I walk.
The bright side is my body basal temperature ( an indicator for ovulation when slightly elevated ) is always optimum because of the slightly elevated body temperature from the blood inflammation so it is easy for me to conceive.
Jackson and I planned to try for a baby on the 13th of March 2019 and the pregnant test came out positive on the 10th of April 2019. (Very thankful for WhatsApp because I fished out the images from my backlog.)
Conceiving was easy and I gave birth naturally to Giselle. Fantastic! After 2 days, I know we're meant to have random vaginal discharges but I smelt completely off, we're talking 3 years past the expiration date kind of "off", I was starting to itch and I still looked heavily pregnant. I got checked at RIPAS. It turns out that everything that is meant to be expelled during birth, just decided to hang onto my womb for dear life and I had two procedures - the first was with a drip to induce expulsion but after the ultrasound as shown below, the black part is what needs to be removed so the second procedure took place 5 days later. I had to be put to sleep while they, and I quote, "scrape the uterus ( womb ) with a metal spatula."
This caused a lot of trauma and the specialists have said that I may never lose my belly pooch so with the very horrible comments I received since giving birth and Giselle is now 14 months old, it's taken a toll on me. I just broke down because like most women, society defines our self worth with our dress size. None of my academic achievements, career, philantropy, etc was taken into consideration. Just, "why you fat??"
I know there are some women who bounce back into shape just like that but please be kind to others who take longer or who have accepted their body as is. As long as they're healthy, kind and a good parent, please stop with the negative comments. If you are truly concerned, euphemism is key and please tread lightly.
So mamas and papas, what has it been like being a new parent for you? I really hope you didn't have to go through the unwelcoming comments. If there's any topic you'd like to know more about, please leave a comment or send us an email. I'd love to hear from you.
From one parent to another with love,
Disclaimer: Chubby Phat Kisses is here to provide free awareness content and we have the best interests of all parents and babies at heart. We are not the experts but the expert gatherer. All information on our platform had been obtained through expert gathering from paediatric specialists, doctors, nurses and confinement ladies to bring enlightenment to your parenting journey. As parents, we know our babies best. If you ever need a second opinion or you feel that something could be wrong with your baby, please seek medical attention. Thank you.